A Wacky, Warped Parable

I came across this and just couldn't resist.
* Caveat: I'm not responsible for the grammar or the extensive use of "and."

I stress this: This is NOT a real parable. It is NOT in Scripture anywhere. I hope it doesn't offend anyone.

It was written at least 50 years ago but the author is unknown. He/she had quite a sense of humor!

I hope it makes you smile.

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

Well, it was like this:

Once upon a time a man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell among thieves. And the thorns grew up and choked that man down.

And then he went on and he didn't have any money so the Queen of Sheba gave that man a thousand talents of gold and a hundred changes of raiment.


And he got in the chariot and drove furiously and when he was driving along under a big tree, his hair caught in a big limb and left him hanging there.
And he was there many days and many nights. And ravens brought him food and water to drink.

While he was hanging there asleep, his wife Delilah came along and cut off his hair and he dropped and fell on stony ground. It began to rain and it rained forty days and forty nights and he hid in a cave.

He went on and met a man who said, "Come in and have supper with me," but he said, "No, I won't because I have married a wife and I can't come." The man went out into the highways and byways and compelled others to come to supper.


He went on to Jerusalem and when he got there he saw Queen Jezebel sitting up high in the window. And when she laughed at him, he said, "Throw her down from there!" And they did throw her down. And he said, "Throw her down some more! " And they threw her down some more. They threw her down seventy times seven. And the fragments they picked up was twelve baskets full.

And the man asked, "Whose wife is she going to be in the day of Judgment?"



 I recognize a few of these stories:

• Queen of Sheba - 1 Kings 10:1-13
• Man invited him supper - Matthew 22:2-9
• Marriage in heaven - Matthew 22:23-33

What about you? Do you see some other stories woven in this wacky parable?

On a serious note, how many Christians might hear this and think it's just fine? How many would recognize that this is a wacky, warped story?

Now What?

Ok, you know you need time with God to make it through the day. You’ve figured out a time, maybe, when you can grab a few minutes.

Now what?

Some of us sit quietly and feel God’s presence.  Some of us need a plan.

I’m a plan kinda girl. I don’t have the discipline to sit with my eyes closed and focus on God. My mind wanders to laundry or to what’s for dinner or a hundred other things.

So, if you only have 10 minutes, how can you focus your prayers? Perhaps a book of brief devotions guides you. Maybe praying a Psalm helps you express what’s on your heart. If you love music, you can speak to Him by singing praise songs. Chose the most meaningful way to connect with God in the few minutes you have.

 

Maybe, you have more time than most of us. Because I stay home, I have precious time I can spend with God. I’m a detail-oriented person, so He usually speaks to me through Scripture. 

 

There are so many ways to study Scripture:  

• Read through the Bible in a year. This is a very structured way to study and it and teaches the discipline of reading every day and draws from the various areas of Scripture every day. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work well for me because I can't stay on track. If I read a passage that reminds me of a verse somewhere else, off I go. 
• Word study. With a good concordance, you can search for one word. That’s a good way to meet a specific need. I did a word study on fear during a time of suffering. By the time I’d read, “Be not afraid,” a few dozen times, my faith was stronger. Once, I did one on “but.” That was a strange one. I did learn a lot about myself and my relationship to God.
• Topical study. This is one of my favorites. I have a Nave’s Topical Bible and I can’t live without it! Choose a characteristic of God that ministers to you in your situation, or a specific need you have, like peace or joy. As you work through this topic, God will pull you closer to Him and assure you of His love.
• Just start reading. Choose a book you love – Psalms, one of the gospels, one of Paul’s letters – and read it through, applying its truths to your life. Once, when I was particularly doubting my ability as an author, I studied Paul’s letters to Timothy. The encouragement Paul gave to Timothy gave me the courage to keep going. 

 

There are as many ways to hear from God as there are ears to hear. The most important thing, whether you have 10 minutes or an hour, is to meet with God. He’s waiting for you, eager to surround you with His love. 

What’s your favorite way to meet with God?
How has the way He speaks to you changed in specific situations?

How has the way you relate to Him changed over the years?